Fighting With—Not Against—Your Spouse

Fighting With—Not Against—Your Spouse

by Noel Bouché

Eve was pretty amazing.

No, this isn’t another silly, superficial “sermon” about sex citing Genesis 2 to explain how men are visual, how God made woman jaw-dropping, and how Adam burst into poetry after seeing his new naked wife.

Eve was amazing because she was created in God’s image as an individual who embodied the beauty of wisdom, counsel, and insight into the mystery of life.

And she was created to fight—for unity, intimacy, truth, and justice.

You see, God made the female embodiment of the immortal nature to be a kind of warrior prophetess—the Hebrew word for this woman, this helper, is ā’-zer which means something akin to “military advisor” or “co-combatant,” and is virtually always used in the Bible to mean a military ally, or God Himself used to describe times when His people need defense or deliverance.

Eve was amazing, and every woman since carries this same “ezer”-ness. Women—single or married—are designed to bear the image of God in a powerful way.

When we lose sight of this sense of alliance, our marriages are uniquely attacked. The first two humans were created to journey together, rest together, create together, sleep together, dream together, design together, and fight against deception, temptation, and disruption… together.

But death has destroyed so much. Nowadays, after a brief honeymoon, marriage for many of us seems like never-ending warfare against each other. An indicator, no doubt, of the deceptive power of that same adversary who was there in the garden attacking the first marriage.

Yet, the One who created marital union as a pleasure-filled military alliance is busy redeeming it. And we can experience that redemption today, one step at a time.

Here’s a baby step.

After deception came, after temptation won, after humiliation, pain, and death poured into the center of human experience… even after accusation—”this woman you gave me”—and allegation entered into marital discourse, that first man took a remarkable step in reversing the devastation that had been set in motion by planting the seeds of redemptive transformation. The male used his voice and his words—just as His Creator had used His voice and words in the beginning—to break a cycle of blame and regret by speaking life and praise over his female friend, companion, and ally.

To paraphrase the original Hebrew, he said: “I’m going to call you ‘Life-Giver,’ because you birth life, wisdom, joy, and peace, in me and the whole world” (see Genesis 3:20). After error. After failure. After catastrophe. After accusation. He calls her mother of all the living.

He reversed course from indictment, and he spoke life over her—literally. He stepped out of the deception, and realized she (and, by the way, God) was not the enemy.

Will we choose to speak life over our spouse today? That’s one small way we can fight with—not against—each other.


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